Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse can affect anyone - regardless of age, gender, disability, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. It can take many forms, but one thing is always true: no one deserves to be mistreated by a partner or family member.

Read our domestic abuse policy here

Quick exit

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. You are not alone.

If you’re experiencing abuse of any kind, please know it’s not your fault. You’re not alone, and there are people who care and support services ready to help. Learn more below about your options and where to find support.

If you need to exit the page quickly, click the Quick Exit button.

For more information about clearing your browser history, click here .

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is when someone aged 16 or over harms a current or former partner, or a family member, who is also 16 or over — even if they don’t live together. Abuse can happen anywhere: in the home, in public, or online.

To see the full legal definition of domestic abuse please follow this link: Domestic Abuse Act 2021.

Please click on each word below to find out what this may look like:

Coercive Control

This can look like (but is not limited to):

Monitoring your texts, calls and whereabouts.
Repeatedly putting you down, calling you names and making you feel worthless.
Controlling your finances and how much you can spend.
Threatening to hurt you, your family members, friends or pets.
Threatening to harm themselves if you leave them.
Isolating you from family and friends.
Stopping you from working or force you to work more.
Damaging your things or make threats to damage them.
Threatening to share sexual images or videos of you.

Psychological and/or emotional abuse

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Financial or economic abuse

This can look like (but is not limited to):

Stopping you from working or limit hours.
Taking your pay or benefits.
Not allowing you to access a bank account.
Controlling how you spend money.
Saying they are paying your bills, and not paying them.
Making you justify what you are spending your money on.
Controlling all finances and making you ask for money.
Stealing your money.
Building up debt in your name, perhaps even without you knowing.
Making you take out money in your name for them.
Insisting you put their name on your assets or savings.
Insisting all bills, credit cards and loans are in your name and making you pay for them.

Harassment and stalking

This can look like (but is not limited to):

Frequently calling at the victim’s home or workplace.
Driving past the victim’s home or workplace.
Following the victim.
Frequently making contact such as sending letters, text messages, emails or through social media sites like Facebook or Snapchat.
Asking children to ‘spy’ on you.
Sending unwanted gifts.
Sending malicious ‘gifts’, such as funeral wreathes or to mark a distressing event for the victim, such as sending flowers on the anniversary of assault.
Gathering information on the victim by contacting people who know them or by using public records.

Online abuse

Honour Based Abuse

‘Honour’ based abuse, including so-called ‘honour killings’, is a form of abuse rooted in the perceived need to protect or defend the honour of a family or community. It often arises in contexts where strict beliefs about honour and shame are upheld. When someone is thought to have brought shame on their family - whether through their actions or even rumours - they may be subjected to violence or abuse.

This can include being in a relationship not arranged by the family, choosing a partner from a different religion or background, dressing in a way that is considered inappropriate, refusing an arranged marriage, leaving a marriage, or being LGBTQ+. Any of these reasons - whether real or perceived - may be used to justify abusive behaviour under the guise of ‘honour’.

‘Honour’ based abuse can take many forms, including physical violence, threats, forced marriage, being confined at home, being taken abroad against one’s will, and, in the most extreme cases, murder - referred to as ‘honour killing’.

Speaking out is often incredibly difficult, as the abuse is frequently carried out by close or extended family members - individuals the victim may still love or fear harming through legal action. But no tradition or belief justifies abuse. Help and support are available for those at risk.

FGM (Female Genital Mutilation)

Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a procedure where the female genitals are deliberately cut, injured or changed, but there's no medical reason for this to be done. It's also known as female circumcision or cutting, and by other terms, such as Sunna, gudniin, halalays, tahur, megrez and khitan, among others.

FGM is usually carried out on young girls between infancy and the age of 15, most commonly before puberty starts. It's illegal in the UK and is abuse. It's very painful and can seriously harm the health of women and girls. It can also cause long-term problems with sex, childbirth and mental health.

Forced marriages

A forced marriage is one in which one or both people do not give their full and free consent to the marriage. It’s important not to confuse this with an arranged marriage, where both individuals have the right to choose whether or not to marry.

Forced marriage is sometimes wrongly seen as a cultural or traditional practice - but in reality, it is a serious violation of human rights and a form of domestic abuse. Victims may be deceived into travelling abroad, have their passports taken away, face threats of violence, or be subjected to emotional pressure and coercion.

Forced marriage can affect anyone. This includes (but is not limited to) individuals who simply do not want to marry a particular person, children under the legal age of marriage in the UK, and LGBTQ+ individuals who are pressured into marrying someone of the opposite sex against their will.

Graphic of a house with hands inside holding a family paperchain

How to get help from the police

If you need help because of domestic abuse, you can call the police on 999 in an emergency or 101 in a non-emergency. If you’re deaf, hard of hearing or speech-impaired, you can register your mobile phone with the emergency SMS service – you’ll then be able to send an SMS text message to 999 to get help.

If you’re unable to talk, you can still call 999 - listen to the operator and respond by coughing or tapping the keys on your phone. Calling 999 from a landline automatically gives the police information about your location. If calling from a mobile, you can press 55 when prompted and your call will be transferred to the police.

Clare’s Law / Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS)

Clare's Law, also referred as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), enables the police to disclosure a person's history of abusive behaviour to those who may be at risk from such behaviour.

Under Clare’s Law, you have the right to:

Make an application to the police requesting information about your current or ex-partner, because you are worried they may have been abusive in the past and believe they may pose a risk to you in future.
Request information from the police about the current or ex-partner of a close friend, neighbour or family member, because you are concerned that they might be at risk of domestic abuse in future.

How to make a Clare’s Law request:

Call your local police on 101 or follow the links for your area:

Essex - Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Essex Police

Kent - Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Kent Police

Sussex - Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Sussex Police

London (Met) - Request information under Clare's Law: Make a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) application | Metropolitan Police

Are you concerned about your behaviour?

It takes real courage to reflect on your behaviour and recognise that it may be harmful or abusive towards a partner or loved one. Abuse is a learned behaviour — and what’s been learned can be unlearned. Change is possible if you're willing to take that step, and support is available to help you make it happen.

If you’re being abusive to your partner, ex or family member, help to stop is available from:

Respect Phoneline on 0800 802 4040
Domestic Violence Intervention Project (London): 0207 633 9181
The Change Project (Essex): 0800 500 3006

If you're not ready to contact a local support service but want to learn more about what abuse looks like, please use any of the following links to find out more:

What about my pet?

If you have a family pet, we understand this will be a big concern for you if you are planning to leave, as many temporary accommodations, including refuges, do not allow pets. We understand you will not want to leave your pet and will want to ensure that your pet is safe.

Luckily, there are charities who offer free support for you and have volunteers who will temporarily rehome your dog or cat until you find yourself alternative accommodation.

To find out more please follow the links below:

Dogs Trust Freedom Project - Freedom Project | Dog Fostering Support | Dogs Trust

Cats Protection Paws Protect - Paws Protect | Fostering for families of domestic abuse | Cats

Concerned about a child?

Are you thinking of leaving?

However you have kept yourself safe up until now, there may come a time where the safest option for you is to leave your home. Please make sure you have considered your options very carefully and have sought advice where possible to do so. The following links may help you to decide your safest option and take things into consideration. Although the pages are tailored to women, if you identify as male or non-binary, you can still use these for advice:

Shelter – Housing rights of Domestic Abuse Survivors – link to webpage Shelter Legal England - Housing rights of people experiencing domestic abuse - Shelter England
Women's Aid – I want to leave my relationship safely – link to webpage I want to leave my relationship safely - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) – link to webpage Planning to leave my abuser | Refuge National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk)

If you need to leave your home urgently because of domestic abuse, you can contact any local authority (council) for help. They have a legal duty to provide you with support as someone facing homelessness. This often includes offering emergency temporary accommodation or helping you access a place in a refuge. You will never be forced to accept accommodation if it doesn’t feel safe or suitable for you.

If you leave your home urgently it is important that you let us know as soon as possible – you can do so by contacting us.

Help for people affected by domestic abuse – National and local domestic abuse support services

We understand you may not want to discuss this with us, so please see list of other national and local services who can help you.

You can also follow this link for a full list of services available in your area:

Women's Aid Directory - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

The Bright Sky website and free Bright Sky app are for anyone who’s experiencing domestic abuse or worried about someone else, but please only download the app if it’s safe for you to do so and you’re sure that your phone isn’t being monitored. They include lots of useful information and advice in a number of languages and a UK-wide directory of specialist domestic abuse support services with contact details.

National domestic abuse support services:

AKT (help for LGBTQ+ people aged 16-25): 020 7831 6562 (London)
Cats Protection - Lifeline: 0345 260 1280 (London & South East) – free cat fostering service
Childline - The UK's free and confidential helpline is not just for children. They also offer help to young people up to the age of 19 who are in distress or danger - 0800 11 11 (24-hour helpline)
Dogs Trust - Freedom Project: 0800 298 9199 (London & South East) / 0808 196 6240 (East Anglia) – free dog fostering service
Finding Legal Options for Women Survivors (FLOWS) - FLOWS gives legal advice to women who are affected by domestic abuse - they also give advice to front line workers.
Forced Marriage Unit: 020 7008 0151
Freedom Charity - provides helplines manned by trained professionals to help victims of forced marriage and their friends who are seeking help, support and advice. 24/7 Helpline: 0845 607 0133 Textline: (text ‘4freedom’ to 88802)
Galop - offers support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people experiencing hate crime, sexual violence or domestic abuse. Helpline: 0800 999 5428 (Monday and Thursday 10am-8pm, Tuesday and Wednesday 10am-5pm, Friday 1pm-5pm) or email [email protected]
Hourglass (previously known as Action on Elder Abuse): 0808 808 8141
Jewish Women’s Aid: 0808 801 0500
Karma Nirvana (National Honour Based Abuse Helpline): 0800 5999 247
Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327
Modern Slavery Helpline: 08000 121 700
Muslim Community Helpline: 020 8904 8193 or 020 8908 6715
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (for women): 0808 2000 247 (Freephone, 24 hour) – The helpline is run by Women’s Aid and Refuge
National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300
NSPCC FGM (Female Genital Mutilation) Helpline: 0800 028 3550
The National Centre for Domestic Violence: 0800 970 2070 (This award-winning free service allows anyone who has recently experienced domestic abuse to apply for an emergency court injunction). Legal advice is also available from: Rights of Women: 020 7251 6577 and Civil Legal Advice: 0345 345 4345
Paladin Service (for people affected by stalking): 020 3866 4107
Rape Crisis : 0808 500 2222
Revenge Porn Helpline: 0345 6000 459
Safeline (for anyone affected by sexual violence): 01926 402 498 / National Male Survivor Helpline: 0808 800 5005
SignHealth (help for Deaf people)
Survivors UK (for men and non-binary people affected by rape and sexual abuse): 020 3598 3898
True Honour (support for people affected by honour based abuse, forced marriage and Female Genital Mutilation): 07480 621711
Surviving Economic Abuse
Victim Support: 0808 16 89 111

Local domestic abuse support services:

Asian Women’s Resource Centre (London): 020 8691 6549 / 5701
Centre for Action on Rape and Abuse in Essex - CARA (caraessex.org.uk) - Work with victims & survivors of sexual violence and child sexual abuse in Essex. Tel 01206 769795
Chinese Information and Advice Centre (London): 0300 201 1868
Domestic Abuse Support Services (Kent and Medway)
Essex Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0330 333 7 444
Hestia (support including refuges for women and children in London & South East England): 0808 169 9975
Stay Safe East (for disabled people in London): 07865 340122
Safe Space Sussex
Solace Women’s Aid (support including refuges for women and children in London): 0808 802 5565
Southall Black Sisters (London): 020 8571 9595
Women and Girls Network (for women and others in London): 0808 801 0660
For further information about other specialist services for Black and Minoritised women and girls please see www.imkaan.org.uk

For more information about local support services please contact your local authority.

Our Commitment

To show our ongoing commitment to supporting any of our customers or colleagues who are affected by domestic abuse, we’ve signed the ‘Make a Stand’ Pledge that was launched in June 2018 by the Chartered Institute of Housing, in partnership with Women’s Aid and the Domestic Abuse Housing Alliance (DAHA), and we're also DAHA Accreditation members. This means that we’ve committed to:
- Put in place and embed a policy to support customers who are affected by domestic abuse.
- Make information about national and local domestic abuse support services available on our website and in other appropriate places so that they are easily accessible for customers and colleagues.
- Put in place a policy to support colleagues who are affected by domestic abuse.
- Appoint a champion at a senior level in our organisation to own what we’re doing to support people experiencing domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. You are not alone.

What is domestic abuse?

Coercive Control

Psychological and/or emotional abuse

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Financial or economic abuse

Harassment and stalking

Online abuse

Honour Based Abuse

FGM (Female Genital Mutilation)

Forced marriages

We're here to help

How to get help from the police

Are you concerned about your behaviour?

What about my pet?

Concerned about a child?

Are you thinking of leaving?

Help for people affected by domestic abuse – National and local domestic abuse support services

Our Commitment